Who cares for the carer?

My recent post When Life Becomes Overwhelming was extremely popular judging by the number of people who have read the post. Bloggers can have a look behind the scenes at their statistics and can tell which posts they write are more popular than others. That post quickly moved up to the top of the list of 'Popular Posts' which you can see on the right sidebar and it looks like the subject is even more important than cutting down on sugar and growing vegetables in styrofoam boxes :-)

There were a couple of comments made that I would like to mention. One was about an organisation I hadn't heard of before called Generation Next which deals with the mental health of children and teenagers which you might find helpful.  Often mental health issues come to the fore in the teenage years and parents have no idea what is going on so it is very helpful to read websites like that to get some insight into what the family is dealing with and where to go for help. Mind you, getting help is easier said than done.

 

 Another comment mentioned that one of the organisations I mentioned had actually made things worse for one person and sadly that can often be the case. It can be difficult to find the right organisation and the right person who just seems to click with the unwell person. It can take years for that to happen, if indeed it ever does and in the meantime the family continues to care for their loved one year after year and it does take its toll eventually.

 

So how does a carer cope and who cares for the carer so that they don't end up feeling worn out and  depressed themselves which is more common than we would care to believe.

To answer the first question I would say it is very important when a diagnosis is made to do as much research you can as often a GP really isn't all that helpful I am sorry to say. If you can find a support group online for carers for the specific illness your family is dealing with that can be like a breath of fresh air to know that someone else is dealing with the same issues. There is much more information out there these days than when we first started our journey but personally I found this support group to be a lifesaver during those early stressful, confusing days.

Another tip is to keep a journal...every day if you can. This is invaluable when you visit the doctor as you have a record of changes in behaviour and symptoms the person is experiencing. It is so easy to forget important issues when feeling stressed.

As a Christian I searched online for anything available and came across Pathways to Promise which educates pastors and congregations about mental illness and advises what to do in a crisis situation when a person becomes unwell etc. Unfortunately at the moment I can't get anything to download on the site so there may be a problem there at the moment but there used to be a wealth of information available on there.

 I just came across Grace Alliance which looks like a great encouraging site and is recommended by Kay Warren who lost her son to depression a couple of years back. She also has an informative website Kay Warren Mental Health.

 

 If you have a loved one who refuses to get treatment because they don't think they are sick, I can highly recommend Dr.Xavier Amador's book I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to help someone with mental illness accept treatment. 

To answer my second question 'Who cares for the carer?' now that is a tricky one. As I mentioned in my other post there are organisations like ARAFMI which are specifically for carers and they have support groups in many towns and cities plus workshops and can arrange for respite for the carer and the person they care for as they have a number of respite houses. Of course this may not suit the unwell person and they quite possibly will refuse to go resulting in no respite for the carer.

So....what to do if the carer needs TLC? All carers know they should take care of themselves by eating healthy foods, doing regular exercise and mixing socially but often don't do what they know they should do as they are too tired, too busy, too down and so on.

 Caring for someone who is unwell is very taxing over a long period of time so it is encouraging to have a friend to talk to who understands what it is like to be a carer although most people don't call themselves a 'carer'. Nurturing your spiritual life and becoming strong physically by exercising and eating well can be difficult as it takes time and effort but the benefits are enormous and, if you are in it for the long haul, it pays to take time to look after yourself even if it is just to meet up with a friend for coffee for an hour or so.

If you are a carer, what helps you in your caring role particularly if it is a long term role?